I'm going to take a wee break from deeper musings and political commentary to share with you a story of how I was assaulted in my own car.
I was driving to the library because... I don't need a bloody reason, it's the library! Anyway, there was a slight tickle on my chest, the faintest whisper of sensation. My brain and I settled down to analyze the situation, mulling the thing over for countless milliseconds. Little did we know that there were other members of the body who were not so prone to deliberation.
My left arm, it turns out, is quite impatient, and had no intention of waiting for my brain and I to decide that there was, in fact, a bug on me and that it should be swatted.
No, sir! My left arm is an arm of action! Breaking rank, it flew of its own accord to see that the problem was dealt with swiftly and decisively. Sadly, when it acts independent of the brain, my left arm doesn't have any sense of level or restraint.
It wasn't leaving anything to chance.
So it was, from the vantage point of me and my brain, that there was a slight tickle on my chest, followed immediately by a rib-cracking thump delivered by my own left arm.
Not wanting to offend my left arm, I congratulated him on his swift reflexes and decisive nature. Still, in these quiet moments, my brain and I exchange loaded glances. Heavy eyebrows carry deep worry about a house divided against itself...
I'm not saying I'm a danger to myself, but for the sake of caution, I might sleep tonight with my left arm held securely under my stomach.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Best Cheap Skeet Game Ever!
So there's this little game I invented called Cheap Skeet. It is highly irresponsible, do NOT try this at home, you WILL slice things off your body and all that...
The rules are simple, people throw water bottles at you and you slice them out of the air with a machete, sword, or very large knife. Various sub-games have arisen. The following video is possibly the most awesome round of Cheap Skeet ever, and I thought it was blog-worthy. Enjoy :)
The rules are simple, people throw water bottles at you and you slice them out of the air with a machete, sword, or very large knife. Various sub-games have arisen. The following video is possibly the most awesome round of Cheap Skeet ever, and I thought it was blog-worthy. Enjoy :)
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
On Bleeding...
I love donating blood.
Specifically, I love doing double reds. For those unfamiliar with the term, double red means when they pull the blood out of your body, process it right there to separate out the red blood cells, then pump the other stuff back into you, along with a lovely saline solution. Using this method, they are able to take two units worth of red blood cells, rather than just one.
Benefits:
Smaller needle (Never minded needles much myself, but I guess this is a major selling point for some)
VIP service (Red Cross people LOVE double red donors)
Really cool machine (I geek out a bit every single time)
You get your plasma and platelets back with extra fluids, so it doesn't really knock you out as much. (It also feels gnarly when it goes back in, like taking a cool drink through your arm)
And ladies and gentlemen, that isn't all!
Those are only the specific benefits of double red donation. Blood donation in general is absolutely amazing.
As regular citizens, we often don't get much chance to save lives. We may donate to charities that may, with the help of thousands of other donations, contribute to saving lives, but that is quite indirect. When you donate blood, however, that little piece of you might save another person's life by the end of the week.
The Red Cross alone provides blood for over 5600 transfusions a day, almost all of them critical. By my calculations, that boils down to a transfusion every seven seconds or so. That is a crushing burden! I see in that a fragile system, unable to handle great catastrophes.
The only answer is a shift in public perception. Blood donating should be a regular activity like changing the oil in our cars. A massive need can only be answered by a mass response.
But wait, folks, that's STILL isn't all!
Donating blood comes with a host of personal health benefits! The initial ones are obvious. You get a free mini-physical, complete with blood work. Beyond that, however, science is now coming to terms with the health benefits of blood donation. Blood donors are 88% less likely to experience heart attacks than non-donors.
There are also initial findings suggesting that donating blood on a regular basis contributes greatly to overall health and longevity. Donating blood even helps with weight loss and reduces cancer risk! It may be why women live longer than men and why bloodletting was such a common medical treatment for hundreds of years. (Now without leeches!)
And ladies and gents... THAT STILL ISN'T ALL!!!
They also give out free snacks and juice :)
Ok, that's all. Don't forget to donate!
#ChooseYourDay
Specifically, I love doing double reds. For those unfamiliar with the term, double red means when they pull the blood out of your body, process it right there to separate out the red blood cells, then pump the other stuff back into you, along with a lovely saline solution. Using this method, they are able to take two units worth of red blood cells, rather than just one.
Benefits:
Smaller needle (Never minded needles much myself, but I guess this is a major selling point for some)
VIP service (Red Cross people LOVE double red donors)
Really cool machine (I geek out a bit every single time)
You get your plasma and platelets back with extra fluids, so it doesn't really knock you out as much. (It also feels gnarly when it goes back in, like taking a cool drink through your arm)
And ladies and gentlemen, that isn't all!
Those are only the specific benefits of double red donation. Blood donation in general is absolutely amazing.
As regular citizens, we often don't get much chance to save lives. We may donate to charities that may, with the help of thousands of other donations, contribute to saving lives, but that is quite indirect. When you donate blood, however, that little piece of you might save another person's life by the end of the week.
The Red Cross alone provides blood for over 5600 transfusions a day, almost all of them critical. By my calculations, that boils down to a transfusion every seven seconds or so. That is a crushing burden! I see in that a fragile system, unable to handle great catastrophes.
The only answer is a shift in public perception. Blood donating should be a regular activity like changing the oil in our cars. A massive need can only be answered by a mass response.
But wait, folks, that's STILL isn't all!
Donating blood comes with a host of personal health benefits! The initial ones are obvious. You get a free mini-physical, complete with blood work. Beyond that, however, science is now coming to terms with the health benefits of blood donation. Blood donors are 88% less likely to experience heart attacks than non-donors.
There are also initial findings suggesting that donating blood on a regular basis contributes greatly to overall health and longevity. Donating blood even helps with weight loss and reduces cancer risk! It may be why women live longer than men and why bloodletting was such a common medical treatment for hundreds of years. (Now without leeches!)
And ladies and gents... THAT STILL ISN'T ALL!!!
They also give out free snacks and juice :)
Ok, that's all. Don't forget to donate!
#ChooseYourDay
Sunday, June 15, 2014
5 Rules of Fatherhood
Happy Fathers' Day!
While it is certainly a lesser cousin to Mothers' Day, I do feel that it deserves some recognition. For Mothers' Day, I composed a nice little poem of questionable merit, but I don't think that would work as well for fathers.
So in salute to the male mind, I instead put forward the 5 Rules of Fatherhood. I do not set them out as judgements passed or laws to be followed. These are my observations of good men who made great fathers, especially my own.
Rule #1: Show up.
Children do not understand block text, legal text, subtext, context, or the many texts that rule the adult world. They will not remember the whys and hows, only if you were there or not. The miracle of muddled mortal memory will erase most of the details of childhood events anyway. What will be remembered is if you were there during those formative moments in your children's lives.
Rule #2: Show up.
Worth another round, believe me. There is a little tradition we humans have that marks us as being among the dumbest of God's creatures: we wait. Somehow, our happiness and fulfillment always lay over the horizon. We put off what is "most important" for what is "important right now." So there is a constant static of little things we have to do before we get around to our true priorities. Have the courage to put all that noise aside when you are spending time with your kids. Focus. Engage. Be there.
Rule #3: Give them an example.
While it defines much of your personal life, your kids won't really see much of you at your job. Make sure that your life includes something else where you can show off a bit for your kids. Not every dad is going to be a rocket scientist or an Olympic athlete, but you can show your kids what it means to excel.
Build stuff, fix stuff, climb stuff, draw stuff, or whatever else you can do better than the next guy. Show your children your strengths so they can start looking for their own.
Rule #4: Give them something to believe in.
Like biting our own elbow, there are a few things that plain don't work, no matter how many times or methods you try. (You're trying it anyway, aren't you?) One of these things that simply doesn't work is trying to achieve happiness through selfishness.
It seems like it ought to work, which is why so many people keep trying it. They keep pushing for that next car/house/degree/job/winning lottery ticket/fling/vacation that will finally give them the fulfillment they so richly deserve. Problem is, it doesn't bloody work!
Take the time to show your kids the rewards that come from having a purpose in life. Show them that they can make a difference. Rather than trying to make them feel important by a million pats on the head, let them actually be important by being part of something larger than themselves. If you can get it to stick when they're young, they'll keep it their whole lives.
Rule #5: Show up.
Now I know this seems a lot like the first two, and heaven knows it bears repeating, but this one is different. While the first two were for general trends and behaviors, this one refers to a specific time in your life. I don't know what or when it will be, but there will come a moment when showing up becomes truly difficult.
This might be because of death, disability, divorce, or any number of life tragedies, but there will come a time when showing up for your kids and looking into their faces is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Whatever happens, dad, don't fail in that moment. In the end, the ultimate truth of fatherhood is that your life doesn't belong to you. It belongs to those who depend on you.
So show up.
*Dedicated to the magnificent fathers who have shaped my life. Happy Fathers' Day!
While it is certainly a lesser cousin to Mothers' Day, I do feel that it deserves some recognition. For Mothers' Day, I composed a nice little poem of questionable merit, but I don't think that would work as well for fathers.
So in salute to the male mind, I instead put forward the 5 Rules of Fatherhood. I do not set them out as judgements passed or laws to be followed. These are my observations of good men who made great fathers, especially my own.
Rule #1: Show up.
Children do not understand block text, legal text, subtext, context, or the many texts that rule the adult world. They will not remember the whys and hows, only if you were there or not. The miracle of muddled mortal memory will erase most of the details of childhood events anyway. What will be remembered is if you were there during those formative moments in your children's lives.
Rule #2: Show up.
Worth another round, believe me. There is a little tradition we humans have that marks us as being among the dumbest of God's creatures: we wait. Somehow, our happiness and fulfillment always lay over the horizon. We put off what is "most important" for what is "important right now." So there is a constant static of little things we have to do before we get around to our true priorities. Have the courage to put all that noise aside when you are spending time with your kids. Focus. Engage. Be there.
Rule #3: Give them an example.
While it defines much of your personal life, your kids won't really see much of you at your job. Make sure that your life includes something else where you can show off a bit for your kids. Not every dad is going to be a rocket scientist or an Olympic athlete, but you can show your kids what it means to excel.
Build stuff, fix stuff, climb stuff, draw stuff, or whatever else you can do better than the next guy. Show your children your strengths so they can start looking for their own.
Rule #4: Give them something to believe in.
Like biting our own elbow, there are a few things that plain don't work, no matter how many times or methods you try. (You're trying it anyway, aren't you?) One of these things that simply doesn't work is trying to achieve happiness through selfishness.
It seems like it ought to work, which is why so many people keep trying it. They keep pushing for that next car/house/degree/job/winning lottery ticket/fling/vacation that will finally give them the fulfillment they so richly deserve. Problem is, it doesn't bloody work!
Take the time to show your kids the rewards that come from having a purpose in life. Show them that they can make a difference. Rather than trying to make them feel important by a million pats on the head, let them actually be important by being part of something larger than themselves. If you can get it to stick when they're young, they'll keep it their whole lives.
Rule #5: Show up.
Now I know this seems a lot like the first two, and heaven knows it bears repeating, but this one is different. While the first two were for general trends and behaviors, this one refers to a specific time in your life. I don't know what or when it will be, but there will come a moment when showing up becomes truly difficult.
This might be because of death, disability, divorce, or any number of life tragedies, but there will come a time when showing up for your kids and looking into their faces is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Whatever happens, dad, don't fail in that moment. In the end, the ultimate truth of fatherhood is that your life doesn't belong to you. It belongs to those who depend on you.
So show up.
*Dedicated to the magnificent fathers who have shaped my life. Happy Fathers' Day!
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
In Defense of Monogamy
I was watching a show the other day when some of the characters got into a discussion about monogamy. They said it was unnatural. They claimed that the widespread failure of marriage and relationships was proof that our social system of dedicated relationships is archaic and oppressive.
It's not the first time I've heard things like this. Usually, it's from men looking to justify their own infidelity. Now there are even large numbers of women who are supporting the claim that human beings naturally want to wander from mate to mate.
They make some good arguments. It is entirely possible that human beings are not monogamous in our most natural state.
Let me make another observation, though. If we hit the reset button on civilization and plunged our world into darkness, people would cheat, steal, lie, and murder to survive. Such things are happening in third world countries across the globe, even as you read this.
A cynical mind would look at this and say that this "proves" that people are violent, deceptive animals, only held in check by societal pressures. I say that those societal pressures came about because there is something deeper in mankind, a drive to be better than we are. That may not be our default setting, but it is something we should be reaching for. So as a human race, are we "naturally"...
Peaceful?
Kind?
Humble?
Loyal?
Monogamous?
No. I cannot, with my knowledge of history and human nature, make that claim.
But we are when at our best.
It's not the first time I've heard things like this. Usually, it's from men looking to justify their own infidelity. Now there are even large numbers of women who are supporting the claim that human beings naturally want to wander from mate to mate.
They make some good arguments. It is entirely possible that human beings are not monogamous in our most natural state.
Let me make another observation, though. If we hit the reset button on civilization and plunged our world into darkness, people would cheat, steal, lie, and murder to survive. Such things are happening in third world countries across the globe, even as you read this.
A cynical mind would look at this and say that this "proves" that people are violent, deceptive animals, only held in check by societal pressures. I say that those societal pressures came about because there is something deeper in mankind, a drive to be better than we are. That may not be our default setting, but it is something we should be reaching for. So as a human race, are we "naturally"...
Peaceful?
Kind?
Humble?
Loyal?
Monogamous?
No. I cannot, with my knowledge of history and human nature, make that claim.
But we are when at our best.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
For Mothers
A Mother's Day Poem...
I write of my "Momma," it's so plain to see,
How a woman gives her life, a mother to be,
Hot tears shed and sleep well lost,
Not a thought of "Why me?" or a tally of cost,
Father wins battles, his hand on a sword,
But it's clearer to see a mother's reward.
Sons with clear eyes and tall broad shoulders,
Minds to move men and strength to move boulders.
Daughters who watched and learned lessons deep,
Their own children blessed by the vigil they keep.
Beauty and wisdom to govern a nation,
Passed down by example to each generation.
If one could see Heaven, one could expect,
A numberless multitude, paying respect,
To a mother so lovely, a heart so true,
Who would give a whole life out of pure love for you.
Love you, Momma, happy Mother's day!
I write of my "Momma," it's so plain to see,
How a woman gives her life, a mother to be,
Hot tears shed and sleep well lost,
Not a thought of "Why me?" or a tally of cost,
Father wins battles, his hand on a sword,
But it's clearer to see a mother's reward.
Sons with clear eyes and tall broad shoulders,
Minds to move men and strength to move boulders.
Daughters who watched and learned lessons deep,
Their own children blessed by the vigil they keep.
Beauty and wisdom to govern a nation,
Passed down by example to each generation.
If one could see Heaven, one could expect,
A numberless multitude, paying respect,
To a mother so lovely, a heart so true,
Who would give a whole life out of pure love for you.
Love you, Momma, happy Mother's day!
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Why I Write
When I speak at schools and libraries, one of the most common questions I get asked is why I chose to be a writer. At that point, I usually lie to them. Not with any evil intent, of course, we just don't have the time for the real answer. However, if you will stick with me through this, I think I can explain it...
I write because I'm insane.
Picture, if you will, a man who believes with all his heart that if you spin an orange just right, it will fall upwards. As he goes to show people, however, the stupid orange keeps falling down!
Still he doesn't doubt. He tries over and over again. With each failure, his mind stretches a little farther to explain why it isn't working. It's the wrong time of day. This orange is defective. It only works over wooden floors. This might actually be a small grapefruit.
No matter how many excuses or attempts he makes, the orange falls to the ground every single time.
That's when he starts to doubt himself. Maybe he did it wrong. Maybe he was spinning it the wrong way. Soon waves of frustration roll out in all directions and the man finds himself yelling at an orange like a crazy person. Though for all his doubts and anger, he still believes fully that an orange can fall up.
Now we bring the metaphor full circle. I believe with all my heart that I live in a world where men are noble, women are pure, and love lasts forever. I have never been able to make myself believe any different.
Every bloody morning I am assaulted by fresh avalanches of evidence that I am wrong. Even a single look at any newspaper should be more than enough to convince me that I am a fool.
And yet, like the madman with his orange, my mind pushes limits farther and farther to come up with explanations, reasons why it only seems like men are devious, women are fickle, and love is a bargaining chip.
Returning to our poor chap with his orange, let us further imagine that if he eats pizza right before bed, he dreams of oranges spinning up into the air. How refreshing would that be for that poor, tortured mind? Even knowing it wasn't real, he still got to see those oranges doing what he knew they should.
Writing is like that for me.
Even though I know it's not real, I get to spend time in worlds of my own creation. In these hand-crafted universes, I spend my time in great adventures where I know good will prevail over evil. I struggle along with great heroes and heroines who are willing to sacrifice everything for greater truths.
It is the warmth of these memories that helps me live in a world that seems to have forgotten how it's supposed to act.
That is why I write.
I write because I'm insane.
Picture, if you will, a man who believes with all his heart that if you spin an orange just right, it will fall upwards. As he goes to show people, however, the stupid orange keeps falling down!
Still he doesn't doubt. He tries over and over again. With each failure, his mind stretches a little farther to explain why it isn't working. It's the wrong time of day. This orange is defective. It only works over wooden floors. This might actually be a small grapefruit.
No matter how many excuses or attempts he makes, the orange falls to the ground every single time.
That's when he starts to doubt himself. Maybe he did it wrong. Maybe he was spinning it the wrong way. Soon waves of frustration roll out in all directions and the man finds himself yelling at an orange like a crazy person. Though for all his doubts and anger, he still believes fully that an orange can fall up.
Now we bring the metaphor full circle. I believe with all my heart that I live in a world where men are noble, women are pure, and love lasts forever. I have never been able to make myself believe any different.
Every bloody morning I am assaulted by fresh avalanches of evidence that I am wrong. Even a single look at any newspaper should be more than enough to convince me that I am a fool.
And yet, like the madman with his orange, my mind pushes limits farther and farther to come up with explanations, reasons why it only seems like men are devious, women are fickle, and love is a bargaining chip.
Returning to our poor chap with his orange, let us further imagine that if he eats pizza right before bed, he dreams of oranges spinning up into the air. How refreshing would that be for that poor, tortured mind? Even knowing it wasn't real, he still got to see those oranges doing what he knew they should.
Writing is like that for me.
Even though I know it's not real, I get to spend time in worlds of my own creation. In these hand-crafted universes, I spend my time in great adventures where I know good will prevail over evil. I struggle along with great heroes and heroines who are willing to sacrifice everything for greater truths.
It is the warmth of these memories that helps me live in a world that seems to have forgotten how it's supposed to act.
That is why I write.
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